Friday, June 22, 2018

Balancing those Boundaries! (..and baring my soul-just a tad)

I've been wracking my brain trying to think of new topics to write about. 

Should I write about PPD?  Breastfeeding?  Recovery? Should I try to start a dialogue about parenting?

Recently, in taking stock of my well being, I've noticed a shift.  A shift in my attitude.  I'm more confident.   I'm able to be genuinely cheerful at work.  Smiling isn't as hard. 


Do I still overthink stuff? Yes.  Am I overly anxious about other's opinions? OH yeah!  Running through hypothetical scenarios where I'm being verbally/emotionally/physically attacked though my head and coming up with solutions and re-rebuttals?  Definitely.

I will always deal with anxiety.   And as a mother the worst case scenarios can be all consuming.  But I can choose to not be ruled by them.  Practicing grounding principals, setting an evening routine,  choosing to let go of insecurities and trust my partner and support group- these have helped me immensely.

Setting boundaries in my life has been huge.   Anxiety over my career wasn't lessened by becoming a mother.  In fact- it was MAGNIFIED.   How were we going to afford this?  How could we provide for our kid?  If we wanted more children (and we do), how would that work?

Also, when you don't feel satisfied or fulfilled at your job this makes for a compounded problem.  

But BOUNDARIES.  Those helped me re-evaluate the insecurities and hold the anxiety at bay.  Work is left at work.  At home, only my family has priority.  


When I'm at work, I'm 100% invested in whats going on, even if I feel unfulfilled by it.  I go to work because I love my family and it is what is needed to make ends meet.  Where I work is pretty cool and has some really great people.  I've also learned and grown there. But its not a "calling" for me.  I'm simply grateful for the opportunity provided.  Maybe one day I'll find a field I'm passionate about that also provides a sustainable income and benefits.

Thankfully where I work is very family friendly and understand that I need to pump.  To be available for family emergencies or events.  While I can't leave my desk to run errands or go to appointments, I can take calls and address things from my desk when needed.  There are times when I wish I could take off early because I feel like there are things at my house that need my attention more than work.

I feel more fulfilled and purposeful taking care of my family than I do in my "career."  That's no the case for everyone.  And this post is not to shame those who feel differently.  This is simply how I feel about my life and circumstances, cope with and enjoy them.  My children and husband will always be my highest priority and I get more joy from caring for them than anything else.  So as I leave my kid each morning, I remind myself that I do this for her.

Your next question may be, " Ok, but don't you need to take care of yourself?"  Yes, yes I do.   That's where BOUNDARIES come in.  Boundaries and balance. 


While at work, I handle work first and answer personal calls/texts after completing a task.  When at home, my phone gets set down and rarely picked up.  I even tend to miss calls from my husband!  My focus is on enjoying my time with my daughter, while also trying to catch up on stuff like cleaning, laundry, dinner, meal prep, and any errands that need to be done. Having a clean house and good dinner is a type of self-love for me.  Sure, not all the messes are mine, but I'm not cleaning them because I'm expected to.  I take care of it because I want to. 

Changing diapers, kissing boo-boos, cooking dinner, wiping up messes.  All these things are fulfilling to me. They are not meaningless.  They do not go unnoticed.  I'm rewarded sometimes with tears, screams, more food on the carpet, or a plate of uneaten food left on the counter.  Other times there are hugs, sloppy kisses, giggles, and lots of sweet, cozy snuggles.  There's a balance.  It might not be what was initially envisioned at the time, but its there.  All of the above means more to me than any kudos from a boss, bonus, or perks.  The job is temporary in the long term, its a means to an end.  My family?  My family is that end the means are for. Does that make sense?



So much love for all of you who made it through this week's rambling post!   


I hope that sharing my thoughts and feelings wasn't too weird and that maybe some of you are able to relate.  Feel free to share in the comments below YOUR thoughts and feeling about family, work, callings, and boundaries you've found to be useful!


Also, do have any questions about being a new mom and going back to work?  OR are there any topics you're interested in reading about?

Let me know!  I'd love to hear from you!



2 comments:

  1. I love this post! It is so essential to be present! I need to let go of my phone more! As always, a pleasure to read your writing!

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    1. Thank you! It means so much to hear that others are encouraged by this!

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